Sitting alone at a bar at 2pm. Is this what the beginning stages of alcoholism look like? I mean, it’s not like my bloodline is some stranger to addiction. Especially of the booze variety. But, no. THis is just a drink. A midday, waiting for my bus drink. An I work hard and deserve a beer before I get home drink. An acknowledgement of my accomplishments and my desire to drown them out in a haze of chemicals. An acknowledgement of my desire to disappear from my mind from time to time. An acknowledgement of the fact that I tend to ignore my desires and spend most of my time sober. Days, weeks, months without drunkeness. Not without drinking but without drunkeness. And drinking without drunkenness is just a tease to see if I can withstand my own temptation. And occasional drunkenness is a reward for my strength. And when I allow myself the pleasure of drunkenness it lives as a reminder that what I possess isn’t strength, but fear. Fear that I feel all of my truest emotions under inebriation. Fear of the curse I believe my family possesses. Fear that I can only write when my mind is quite faded. Fears quite confirmed by my present state. Does this mean that to live without fear is to live in drunkenness? This I cannot abide.
Semi-Employed 1 Minute
Published by Semi-Employed
On this blog I will relay my experiences as a millennial job hunter, seek some advice, and maybe even give some. So send me messages, leave me comments, and if you're looking maybe you can hire me! View all posts by Semi-Employed